I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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