i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
high people should be assigned attendants
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
