it hurts more in the daytime
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
