You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
