Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
