just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
