allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
