I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
