Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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