I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
