Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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