Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Randomize
