WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
