at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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