my vag is so smooth its legendary
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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