Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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