Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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