Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
