just come out here and I will go home with you...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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