if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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