i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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