okay pat passed out under dana's car
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
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