the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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