I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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