I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
