do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
