I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
