that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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