Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
