you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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