Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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