girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
