I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
