i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
FUCK WHALES
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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