i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You're like the curious george of whores
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
