a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
