He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
