6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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