Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
