youre lurking in front of me
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
