All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize