Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
