I will die if light touches me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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