she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
