i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
