You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
