why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
