you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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