Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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