im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I love how my cats smell like pot.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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