What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
